The title honestly sums up the way I’ve been feeling as of lately. Theres a lot of change happening in my life but not all of it is for the good. I’m gonna suggest you get comfortable for this because it’s gonna be a long one.

Where do I even begin in my story? Honestly this story likely begins back when I was job jumping pretty much every month because either i was laid off or I just got something i felt was better. I did this for maybe 6-8 months where I just didnt have a steady job but a string of places on a resume.

I thought things were finally looking up once I got my current job which I love and am getting fairly good at. Apparently customer service is my niche but very specifically bra fitting because I’m actually good at figuring it out while socializing with the customer, who would’ve known? Things were starting to finally look good but alas that didnt last long as most things do not.

Home life started to be tough since my sister moved back home for awhile. I love her but I cant live with her so I started to stay away more and more. I can’t even remember what the breaking point was but before Christmas I decided I needed to leave. I moved in with my boyfriend and his roommmates and for awhile it was okay. I had already been spending most of my tine there so it didn’t feel that much different other than I had more of my stuff there.

It wasn’t until the last week or so that I realized how unhappy I am there. It has never quite felt like home and it took me a long time to even be comfortable there. I just feel like I don’t belong.

Again, I love the roommates but I’m not sure I can live with them. Theres some things in the apartment that I don’t like how they work but thats what works for them and it came before me.

I am like a house plant; I need lots of light and to be fed . These things are probably the main issues I have .

My depression is not going well and especially in the winter where its dark a lot more of the time so I dont tend to do so well there. The fact that the curtains are always closed and its so damn dark in there does not help me and I feel like I’m always tired or grumpy. Food is another thing I dont like how it works but again I cant do anything to fix it because again the system came before me.

I came to terms with the fact that I should probably not live with them but where does that leave me? I can’t exactly go home and I cant afford to live alone so I’m just stuck. For lack of a better analogy; I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

That is my long and whiney spiel. I’m lost and confused about life but here’s hoping it turns around soon.

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