Broken hearts come in so many forms. Relationships, friendships, family etc. I cant say I’m familiar with any of them until now. I didn’t realize how much a friendship can break your heart and take a piece of you You know what the worst part is? That the person doesn’t even know that they’re slowly killing you inside bit by bit.
I’m not even 100% sure when this all started thats the worst part. I know I am part of the blame of how it started but now now this isnt me anymore.
I think im ready to let go of this friendship after all these years. I cant even believe I’m considering this decision. this is the person who I used to call my person for so many years and now I want to let go. I’m blaming it partly on another person. i feel like they have stolen my person from me and changed her, changed her into less of the person I know and love and more of a judgey and mean person.
I want the girl who knew me, who knew what I meant with just a gesture, the girl who I have so many great memories with and so much growth with. I dont want us to stay the same because that wont get us anywhere but I want us to stay together and grow seperately. I dont even know if thats possible anymore but I still have this tiny bit of hope that it is.
That being said im done trying. I was trying so hard after I drifted and it wasnt met. Once I stopped reaching out I noticed that she wasnt reaching out period and this lead me to realize that i didnt want to feel like the only one in the realtionship trying. I want to feel like she wants to talk to me or wants to check up or tell me funny things not like I’m nagging her to talk to me. I started to find myself finding an excuse to message her or have a problem just to talk to her. It was met with half ass responses most of the time.
Ive also started to notice that I’m hiding things from her, big things that I’m feeling because I’m afraid of her response now. Before I wouldnt have even considered this but now I’m afraid of her judgement because im not sure I can take it anymore.
I became petty after this and decided to do what she had been doing to me for so long. Where did that get me? Absolutely fucking nowhere because I dont think she even noticed my lack of responses. I had convinced myself she would suddenly have an epiphany and understand what I was doing but nope, that didnt happen.
I then decided to bite the bullet. I told her we needed to talk finally in person. I did take a shot at her by saying that it hasnt to be a scheduled thing, not a fit me between other plans kinda thing. I don’t feel bad saying it because thats mainly what our plans have been lately. This will likely be one of the hardest things I will do because after I have to decode what is best for me. Is holding onto someone who knows me so well worth losing pieces of me because it hurts me so badly? I’ll have to wait and see I guess.