So I’ve been trying to find a new job forever and by forever I mean since November. It’s much harder than I thought to get something that gives me enough hours that I can pay my bills. It also really puts things into perspective too. I’ve hit the point in my life that I don’t want to work dead end jobs if I’m not going to go back to school. I’ll probably touch on the school thing in another post.

I need something that I can possibly see as a career, something I actually like. I don’t really want to be a sales associate for the rest of my life especially since I hate it and suck at it.

Looking for that kind of job has brought up so many questions though like What do I actually like to do? How does that actually turn into a job? Can I do it? Do I want to move for it? I feel like this whole job hunt has turned into a hunt for myself because until now I think I’ve just put it on a shelf and never looked back. I have no idea what I really like to do, how I want to be in life or what I truly want out of life.Honestly I just feel so much more lost than I ever thought I could and that makes me feel like a failure. I’m 23, working a shitty part-time job, no car, no degree, a decent amount of debt to my name, no direction oh and I still live at home.

I guess I’m feeling a little like I’ve hit rock bottom. My life is not at all bad though thats the thing. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I can see a real future with, I have a great relationship with my family so living at home still isnt so bad. I have some great friends who are super supportive and then I have my person. She is litterally my best friend and other half so she knows me better than anyone else.

Thinking of those things makes me confused about why I feel so lost if I still have so much thats good in my life. I guess in a way I want to know that I’m not alone in this feeling but also I want to find my place, wherever it ends up being.

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